


HAYJUN, DON'T BE AFRAID

by dr33g



Series: dreeg's a big fan of butterfly soup [2]
Category: Butterfly Soup (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Vomiting, compulsory heterosexuality, hope yall like it !, these boys.... need to figure their shit out, trigger warnings for yall ! everything else should b pretty nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 22:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12397815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr33g/pseuds/dr33g
Summary: Hayden is just chilling with his pal friend Jun. Yep. He's definitely not super in love. Mhm.Y e p.





	HAYJUN, DON'T BE AFRAID

**Author's Note:**

> GHAISDUFGAHAISOFAFHIAGDKSLJF as the king of hayjun it was my honor to give yuo all this piece... enjoy  
> ALSO read _Min Voice: MY WIFE !!!!!_ first !!!!!!! its actually kind of important to the last few scenes aaah :D

Okay, so one second, he’s playing with Min. The next, Diya is lifting him up and throws him off the bridge.

Like, ow, that hurt? Geez.

Hayden was lying down in the wood chips, seeing as the fall knocked the wind out of him. He took deep shaky breaths, hoping he would be able to breathe regularly soon. Just as his breathing was returning to normal, another force made it hard to breathe again.

Jun was thrown over the edge of the bridge and landed directly on top of him.

At first, all that was on Hayden’s mind was the pain, but as it faded, he began to focus on the fact that Jun was laying directly on top of him.

Ok, so while Hayden’s parents were really touchy, he wasn’t used to anyone other than them touching him. And he didn’t like it much when they would, seeing as it was always really tight and he felt trapped, but this was waaaay different.

For one, he didn’t hate it. In fact, it felt like the most amazing thing in the entire universe. He felt all warm and tingly and his heart was beating fast and it was perfect and he never wanted either of them to move ever again.

He also felt his face hurting. He wasn’t sure why. But it ached and felt all stiff. Weird.

Also, Jun was staring right at Hayden, and Hayden was staring right and him. Neither of them moved for a while until they heard a thunk and saw Diya and Min faceplant. Then they both stood up and acted like they hadn’t just been staring into each other’s eyes or whatever that was and laughed at them.

Hayden pretended it never happened, but sometimes, he’d think about just lying there with Jun forever. As he got older, the fantasy would sometimes turn into other things, like maybe even  _ kissing _ Jun, but that was weird, right? And why did it make him so happy?

He never let himself answer that question.

\--

“What do you mean you’re moving away?”

“We’re moving away. There’s no other way to say it?” Jun’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as he was probably thinking of another way to say it.

“No, I’m just. Upset. You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah, I’m not happy about it either.”

“So… When are you leaving?”

“August.”

“I. Dude, I don’t even know how to react.”

“We should just make the best of it I guess.”

“Yeah.”

\--

When Jun moved away at the end of the summer, Hayden cried for a day straight. The pain of losing his best friend to distance hurt more than anything he had ever experienced before.

\--

Hayden was walking through his school and trying to avoid people, kind of out of it, just wishing the day was already over even though it was the first day and he hadn’t even gone to class already when he saw someone he recognized but. It couldn’t’ve been Jun, could it?

He continued to believe he mistook someone for his former best friend when in first period Min-seo showed up and sat next to him.

“M-Min?”

“Oh, hey Hayden. What the fuck is up?”

“Oh, not much, just someone I thought lived across the fucking country is in my English class.”

“English fucking sucks.”

“Not the point, Min.”

“But it does!”

“That’s not the point I’m trying to make!”

“Fine. Hi, Hayden, we moved back a month ago. Yes, Jun goes here, too. He’ll be delighted to see you. Blah. Does Diya go here?”

“No, she went somewhere else for high school.” Min’s expression dampened.

“Damn, ah well. Now shut the fuck up.”

And he did, seeing as his teacher just walked in.

\--

During the transition between first and second period, Hayden looked for Jun and didn’t see him. That is until he sat down in Algebra 2 Honors in his usual spot (against the right wall so he could lean against it in his chair) and saw the exact guy he was looking for sitting directly behind him reading a book.

“JUN!”

Jun looked up from his book, looking fairly bored, then astonished as he dropped his book and said, “HAYDEN! You go here?”

“Yeah, I do! You moved back?”

“Yeah, about a month ago! Does Diya go here?”

“Nah, she goes somewhere else.”

“Min’s not going to like that.”

“I already told her. We have English together. She seemed sad.”

“I mean, she is kind of in love with Diya.” Something about what Jun said sounded sharp. It wasn’t quite bitter, but he was obviously mad about something involving that. Hayden put that in ‘things that he should maybe bring up if they ever got close again’.

“Fair enough. How’ve you been?”

“Good, I guess. I--” The teacher walked in and they looked at each other, signaling that they’d talk later.

\--

Turns out, Hayden and Jun share all of Hayden’s advanced classes, so Math, Science, and French. The thought of getting to maybe even work on projects with Jun and just hang out all of the time like they used to made Hayden happier than he had felt in a while. Too long.

He tried not to think about it too much.

\--

Hayden found throughout the next few weeks that you can’t just pick up where you left off when it’s been six years, particularly if you were children then and now you’re teenagers. 

Yes, he and Jun were still friends, but they had both closed off. Bottled up their emotions and hid said emotions under a couch. There was a huge gap of time that neither was ready to talk about yet and it left a huge rift between the two of them. Hayden wanted the rift to vanish, but he knew that it would take him talking about things he didn’t even want to think about, let alone talk about, so he toed the edge. It seemed Jun was ignoring the gap altogether, just walking as if they were right next to each other, and Hayden couldn’t tell if he hated it or if it made everything a little bit easier to bear.

But perhaps it was a little of both. Part of Hayden needed to become unbearable so he could spill, and the fact that Jun wasn’t treating it like he was made it so it couldn’t reach that point.

Hayden was always the problem solver of the group, and his solution was to let the pressure fall away. They would talk when they needed to, and the rift was only there because they felt it needed to be there. It would be closed with time.

\--

When Hayden found out about the bullying, he immediately told Min. Hayden didn’t know the details, he just saw Jun get called something that made Jun flinch, and it was all he could do to not punch them himself.

Min was expelled for stabbing someone. 

She came to him and said, “You have to protect him, alright? If you ever need me, text me, and I’ll drop everything and come. But if it’s not bad enough to need me to come and stab a bitch, it’s your job to protect him, alright?” Hayden nodded, almost crying.

It was the job he wanted most in the world, how could he not?

\--

When Hayden saw the sign up for baseball at their school, he immediately signed, hoping maybe Jun would join, too.

Little did he know, Jun only signed up because he saw Hayden’s name.

\--

It was the first baseball practice, and one of the extra ginormous bottles underneath his suppression couch was basically hitting him over the head every few seconds.

It was one he had hoped he would forget about, but whenever he had suppressed it for just long enough that it wasn’t all he was thinking about, the exact worst thing would happen.

In this case, it was sweaty Jun after a day of practice.

See, Hayden was hardcore suppressing the idea that maybe he wasn’t heterosexual, and inside that was another idea that he has a crush on Jun.

Both of those ideas were banned. Not allowed ever at all again.

But sometimes, life would fuck him over and send a cute boy that winked at him, or he’d be paired with some random guy in his grade with a great smile during a project.

Or, in this scenario, Jun was sweaty and flushed and smiling at him.

And, luckily the fact that they had just had a full day of practice hid the fact that Hayden would’ve been sweaty and flushed anyways.

He was kind of stunned. Boys could do that to him sometimes.

Except he was straight. This was all fake, he was a heterosexual, end of story.

Then Jun laughed at something one of their teammates said, and Hayden forgot how to breathe for a moment.

\--

It had been a day since the Death Bagels had defeated them, and Hayden and Jun were doing homework together at Hayden’s house. 

“Hey, did you hear? Diya and Min finally got together,” Jun suddenly brought up in a moment of silence. His voice sounded just as it had on the first day of school, bitter, but also something else.

Hayden replied, “Really? About time. I’m happy for them.” He sounded like he was lying, but it was really just concern for his friend.

“Me too.” There was a silence, and once again, the crevice between them seemed too large to even hear across.

Hayden decided to jump over the rift and said, “Um, not to sound rude, but a--”

Jun started screaming, tears in his eyes, “NO! I’M NOT! MIN IS FINALLY WITH THE GIRL OF HER DREAMS, GREAT! SHE’S ALREADY THE FAMILY FAILURE, SO IT’S FINE. BUT I’M THE GOLDEN BOY. WHAT IF--” Jun started sobbing, and he said, “What if I like boys instead? What if we’re both that way.

“What if we both fail our parents? What then?”

Hayden felt tears flow out of his own eyes, and in a moment of impulsivity, he reached out and hugged Jun with all of his might, which was admittedly a little awkward, as they were sitting on Hayden’s bed, and they were both seated weirdly. It felt just like that day at the park, like the most amazing thing Hayden had ever felt, and he almost forgot to breathe and speak. The only difference was that this time there was so much  _ emotion _ charged into it. Hayden clung to Jun and said, “Fuck your parents hardcore. They don’t have to know, you can do what you want, live your life.”

“That’s not the problem!” Hayden flinched and let go.

“Min protects me from everyone but them, and I protect her from them. If I become tainted in their eyes, I can’t protect her from them anymore.”

“Like I said, they don’t need to know.”

“But…” Jun began whispering. “Why does she get to have it and I don’t?” And with that, Hayden’s heart shattered.

“It’s unfair, I know, but think about it. No one’s going to tell your parents, are they? As long as you don’t let them see, they will never know, right? Just for four years, then you’ll both be out of the house and you can do whatever you want.”

“That’s a long time pretending to be something I’m not.”

“What’s 4 years after 14, yeah?”

Jun scoffed, “That’s still 29% more of my life spent in the closet than if I were out right now. But I suppose you have a point.”

“Hell yeah. Now, I gotta piss. If the gun would move for the evil dragon.”

Jun laughed, “You… Do that.” Jun moved so Hayden could go to the bathroom.

Hayden sat on the toilet, the lid down, and hid his face in his knees.

How ironic he was helping the boy he definitely ~~liked~~ did not like with boy issues when he was struggling with the same thing?

\--

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t Jun that helped him figure out his sexuality, it was Akarsha.

After knowing Akarsha for a few weeks, he impulsively asked her on a date, and she said, “Yeah, why not?”

It was at a boba tea place that Akarsha chose that Hayden didn’t really remember the name of.

Hayden asked, “Why did you say yes to my date?”

Akarsha shrugged and said, “You looked like you hadn’t expected to ask me out so I decided to see what would happen. Also, free food.” She took a big sip of her boba tea as if to make a point.

“I mean, you’re right about that. It was on impulse.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I just. You seem cool and the first thing that came to mind was ‘date her’.”

“Ah, compulsory heterosexuality.”

“Uh… What.”

“You know when gay kids force themselves to like the opposite gender because they feel like they have to?”

“That’s a thing?”

“Yep. I’m a bi gal myself, so I do like dudes, but when I was a kid I forced myself to like guys only because I felt like I had to. Now, I’m all about girls. Girls are. Mm. Spicy.”

“Huh. Wow.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean. I guess.”

“Aw, a baby gay, only now bursting from his shell.”

“I do agree with you, girls are. Nice. But.”

“Oh, sweet, a fellow bi?”

“I. I think?”

“Nice.” Akarsha held out her hand for a fist bump. Hayden fist bumped her.

They remained close friends but didn’t date at all. The both of them agreed that was better.

\--

Hayden continued to push down his crush on his best friend, because, no, they were  _ just friends _ , and it was better that way.

Even though, every time they touched, he felt the static.

Just kidding, but it did feel like that first time at the park.

\--

Flash forward to Diya and Min’s wedding, Hayden was holding a very much wasted Jun in his arms and dragging him into an Uber. He was pretty flushed, seeing as one, he was tipsy as well, and two, Jun was definitely flirty with him, though he was drunk, so it was hard to tell what he was even saying.

For example, Jun said, “AM I a scali if i want etoe fugdk youi?”

“I don’t even know what you just said.”

“Well, like youre a dragon and i want to kis s your fa ce so maybe I’m into reptiel people?”

“Uh.”

“Nahh I’m just into you i THink.” Hayden turned bright red.

“Jun… Please just get into the uber.”

“You got it bpretty dragon man.” Jun slumped into the uber and said, “Take me to this prines’ house.”

Hayden laughed nervously and sat down next to Jun in the car and awkwardly tried to not stare at Jun so he opted to stare at the floor the whole time while Jun draped himself across Hayden in an effort to get attention. 

Once they got to Hayden’s house, Hayden helped Jun into Hayden’s and said, “Good night, dude. I’ll bring you some water and Advil for the morning.”

Jun replied, “I’m goona pukke righ tnow.” So, Hayden booked it into his kitchen, grabbed his puke bowl, and brought it to Jun to puke in until he could lead Jun to his bathroom to puke in the toilet. After Jun got it cleared out of his system, Jun essentially floated into Hayden’s bed, half-took off his suit, and right before he fell asleep said, “Kiss me.”

“N. No, you’re super drunk.”

“If I were sober would you?”

“I. I don’t know.”

“Dman. Well, I’ll kiss you tomorrow.” Jun then fell asleep. Hayden flushed, figuring it had to be the alcohol, right? He shook his head and undressed completely. He went to sleep on the couch.

\--

The next morning, Hayden woke up fairly early with a killer headache. He quickly got 2 glasses of water, drank the first one, filled it back up, and drank it again, this time taking Advil. He then put 4 pop-tarts in the toaster and waited for it to pop. He ate the first two and, on a plate, took the other two, with some Advil, and the other glass of water to Jun.

Jun sat up, still in a dress shirt, though it was unbuttoned, the second Hayden walked in. 

He groaned and said, “Oh, fuck this.”

“Yeah, here’s some water and Advil. Sorry for forgetting to leave it by your stand this morning.”

“No, it’s fine. I just woke up anyway.” Jun took the plate and water. He quickly put the Advil in his mouth and chugged the entire glass, then began eating the pop-tarts. “Hey, I didn’t… I didn’t try anything last night, did I?”

Hayden filled with dread as he replied, “You did ask if I would kiss you and uh. I said no because you were drunk. You were also pretty flirty, and kept saying you were into me.”

“Yeah, about that, um. Sorry. I--”

Hayden interrupted, “It’s cool. I get that we say things we don’t mean when we’re drunk.”

“Y-Yeah, um, I was apologizing for telling you how I felt while under the influence. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“Wait, what?”  _ There’s no way that’s what he said, right? That’d be too convenient. I imagined it, right? RIGHT? _

Jun’s face steadily got redder as he said, “I. I like you, alright? I have since we were kids. I just didn’t want to freak you out, or something.” 

Hayden felt himself crying, so he wiped his eyes and whispered, “Jun.”

“Yeah?”

“Can. Can I kiss you?” Jun’s response was even less than a whisper, as he moved the plate from his lap to the end table.

“Please.” Hayden practically threw himself onto the bed and kissed Jun as hard as he fucking could and it hurt a little but he felt like he was flying and everything was warm and, well, a little drooly, but did he care? Fuck no! He was kissing Jun and it was the best thing in the entire world. FUCK!

After a time that rivalled even Min and Diya’s kiss at the wedding the day previous (seriously, they had been kissing for like 2 minutes before Noelle finally asked them to stop, and even then Min commented that it felt like no time at all, what the fuck), they finally broke apart and started laughing.

“Date me, Jun?”

“Yes, please.”

And that was the end of Hayden even pretending his thoughts of Jun were anything but romantic.

\--

He told Akarsha first. She fist bumped him, then teased him for taking forever.

He repaid the favor when she and Noelle got together the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i referenced Everytime We Touch by cascada. twice. im classy like that  
> anyways i've only kissed one person ever and im only 15 so ive never been drunk but i did my best...  
> REMEMBER TO KUDOS AND COMMENT IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME !!!!  
> also if any of you.. Perchance drew this... i would cry.... show me tho


End file.
